vent vs rant

where did i read? oh.. right on twitter.
it's ok to want to vent once in a while.
but when you go on a crazy rant??..... well it's not so nice.

i think i ranted today. :(

it's been a bad bad difficult day.

and i even had a good 30 mins workout. usually that relieves my steam.

it's true what people say, the people you love the most, also pisses you off the most.

sympathey steals your ability to think. emphathy will cripple you. detachment and logic, those are your salvation at a fresh murder.

c.3, p.27 lkhamilton's a stroke of midnight

my father had taught me to be nice first, because you can always be mean later, but once you've been mean to someone, they won't believe the nice anymore. so be nic, be nice, until it's time to stop being nice, then destroy them.

p62

i have much to update...

but when i don't update when i'm thinking about updating, i forget. it's a vicious cycle.

but as of this moment--- i've been behind on reading all my fave mommy & money saving blogs. how does one survive wading thru thousands of posts and not go crazy. let's just say i am crazy.

supergirl is doing real way, i'm still taking care of her full time and she's a smarty pants!! she's already saying complete sentences, over 15 words at once and perfect grammer! she's surprising me with new converstations every single day. and she's not even 3 yet!!!!!!

recently we were in two car accidents. with both of our cars. :( it's been tough. but i thank god that no parties involved were seriously hurt. at lease we still have our lives to live. :) but the lawsuits... can get ugly, and will def hurt more! :(

hope to catch up real soon here!

taking control

i'm feeling btr. more positive outlook and happier on most days. :)

i've starting working out, and i am pretty sure that's one of the major reasons i am feeling better..... healthier..... and thinner.

i found a great group of moms on twitter using #mamavation and every word of encouragin tweet i receive helps me a lot.

i finally went in for a physical exam. it's been over 2 years. i haven't gone for one since having supergirl. i just got a called back from my doctor, my blood test, cholesterol, blood sugar-- all good. but my white blood count is super high in urine. most likely it's a UTI. i've never had one before, or never had one that was known to myself or my doctor before. i've been having some bad cramps, but since i have my period the past week, i thought it was due to my period... now i am not so sure. so i'm kinda worried. i've made an appt to see my dr. tomorrow for an antibiotic treatment and a follow up urine test.

i've always felt like i'm immune to many things. but as i age, i know that i am not. my skin has gotten better because i've made an effort to drink more water, stop picking at my zits, and i purchased a moisturizer with salycilic acid and retinol.

i can't 'think' i'm immuned to illnesses and aging anymore, because i am not!!!

so i need to take control of my life. my sleep schedule is still very bad- thus so is supergirl's. that's my next obstacle to overcome.

wish me luck!

silver lining...

finally a silver lining amidst all the clouds these days.

i've been having little financial set backs here and there... nothing major, but all pesky and small and bothersome. things that's constantly revovling inside my head and making a down mommy.

but i just found out today i won a baby bjorn organic carrier!! i am so delighted and surprised!!

i've whined about never winning anything... and since last year, i've won 3 items from lovely mommy blogs. nothing major, but better than nothing!

have a great weekend!

it's been a while...

i haven't blogged here since end of feb. it's been a while. i was just reading back on the last 3 blogs. i definitely haven't been very happy back then! lol- but things are better now and i'm mostly happy!

my skin is 'healing' - still breakouts here and there, but i've learned not 'pick' as much and that's helped a bundle!

i am gaining weight though. all those up and down in weight gain is not doing me well. it's of course i know my own fault. i love to stay up late and eat junk food! :) although i'm so happy when i'm eating.....

i still don't like to sleep very much and i'm up at almost 2 am, blogging right now, when i should be sleeping, since supergirl is sleeping!

things have been better with superman. :) there's definitely been some good times in the last few months.

and supergirl-- no word can describe it........ she's absolutely amazing. my pride and joy. :)

happy karma all around. :)

age aging

i've never felt like i was getting older. yes the number did get higher every year, but i felt it was just a number. physically i felt the same, and i looked the same!! no wrinkles!

no so anymore. supergirl is 2 years old now. the first year after i had her, i felt the same- i was breastfeeding, my weight was down, my hair long and shiny, and my skin very smooth and supple. but now a year later... particularly started last december, and my birthday was in january-- and yes, sometimes i wonder if it's just all in my head. it's not. physically i feel a bit weaker as in, i have more limits now. my skin, oh my dear-- as someone whose always had skin that others envied and always comment on or ask what i've been using; it's bad. i'm breaking out like never before. i've heard about adult acne that strikes lots of adults after 30, but i just never thought it can happen to me. it must be. and my skin feels and looks like it's lost some elasticity. i started noticing this in nov last year. and it's gotten bad up to now, about end of feb.

at first i thought it's prob the holiday diet, lack of exercise, blah blah blah. i honestly must say i believe my lifestyle definitely attributed to it. i don't like to sleep (i don't sleep well), i'm bad at drinking water (rarely) and i love sweets (almost a diet based on sweets!)!!

i don't drink alcohol and i have quit smoking for many years already. but even so, i've been warned all that chocolate will catch up with me and lack of sleep too! it did!!!!!

i am so angry at myself. i know i am rambling. but let this be a permanently etched into my life/time line. that it was now, i feel that aging has started for me, on the surface and on the inside. my lifestyle, having a baby, whatever!! but it's definitely 'finally' happening to me. and i must note that after i stopped breastfeeding- i also felt some changes in my body...... and during the 2 months after i've stopped nursing, i gained a lot of weight and broke out really bad, but then all went away and was well until last november.

shitty shitty day

what, i can't say shit now? huh.

it's just been a terrible week leading up to a grand awful finale. nothing to do with the weather, as i loved all the heavy rain here in california.

just....... very testy with superman. i'm not sure if he is super after all. he's caring, yet not caring. man of the house, yet... wimpy at times. i'm very bothered by him, just little things.

is it because... well darn we don't know! we try to get along better, but we argue over the tiniest little things. he says i need to let it go..... but he doesn't. cuz if he did, we PROB WON'T ARGUE FOR HOUR(s). cuz well, it's a plain fact it takes TWO to argue. so it's definitely not just me. it's the two of us.

i've been awfully stressed due to some problem with my fave credit card!! (i hate them people now!!) what happened to caring about your customers?! now we're all potential frauders or something. and bills. and lot of other household stuff..... it's just a lot of weight on the shoulders.

and poor lil supergirl. she's just baffled and running back and forth to us. i'm heartbroken for her.

aging gracefully?

don't we all wish!

i've never felt myself 'age' until after i had my darling supergirl. everything was fine, up until after i stopped breastfeeding. i breastfed her for 15 months and 3 weeks. during the time i was nursing her, my skin was glowy, plump, and i look great! afterwards- after i weaned her, it's an entirely different story. i'm wondering if this is what all mommy's go thru!! a few months after weaning, my skin feels dryer and i'm breaking out often. ok, i accept it's the hormones balancing itself out or wrecking havoc on me! 6 months in... i look in the mirror and i do not like what i see. i have darker circles and my skin does not have that 'glow' to it anymore, and i can feel it slackening. i ask superman- but he says i look the same. (but he is just so darn sweet!) i even ask my mother- and she thinks i'm seeing things. huh?

well, it's about 2 months shy to a year since i've of weaned supergirl. (by the way, supergirl's doing super- couldn't be better! such a ray of sunshine and a throughly happy girl. she just turned 2. ^^) and i feel the skin slacking!! i push my finger into my cheeks and it's definitely lacking that bounce. moisturiziers don't help and i've tried too many different kinds too (prob not good either), i'm oily and then i'm dry-- it's all over the place!! and well.. I am 32. which article was it that i read the other day.. about cell turnover rates? it's slow down by a gazillion times by the time we're in our 30's!!! and aging is inevitable. i'm really feeling it. grrr.. i'm still me. but i'm getting older. i just have to make peace with it. but it's hard!!! it's hard on us women, ain't it?!

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

is honesty overrated and lies underrated?

i always believed that being honest is very very important, if not the MOST important aspect of a relationship. whether it's with a spouse, friend, family members, colleagues, etc.

i also understand how hard it is to realize you have made a mistake. and how hard it is to admit to it. and no one likes to admit it, saving face is such an important thing for most individuals anyway. still--- have you notice with lies, it almost ALWAYS eventually come out.

think, how much work and effort has to be used by someone that is trying to hide the lie or truth and cover up all the tracks. isn't it easier to just tell the truth. yes, whoever you lied to will be hurt no matter what (if you lied and depending on how serious it is); but because you were honest, there is a more likelihood for forgiveness and acceptance. if it's carried on and on, and discovered later, the person is still 'hurt' if not immensely more; at this later time... can it be as easily forgiven than if you had been honest and upfront about it at the beginning?????

perhaps the person is lying to keep a famiy together. in that case, could it be condoned? perhaps-- but when all comes to light, the people involved or that you've lied to will still be hurt. can the liar deal with all the hurt and sadness when it eventually happens? as a strong beleiver that the truth always prevails, seems like it's just a horrible thing for everyone involved. forgiveness is preached, but not always attainable, even by the sweetest of people. it's the hurt. and the fact that you were lied to.

for example if i was lied to by a friend because she/he did not want me to be mad at him or they are afraid what they did may have ruined our friendship. 1> if it's 'that serious' of an issue, just tell me the truth! 2> sure you can lie to my face now but say a year later i found out the truth; i will be more hurt and damaged by the prolonged lie, than if i was told earlier.

so the outcome of knowing earlier and knowing later will not change the 'lying' fact and the fact that i will be hurt. so which is better? now or later? i personally prefer now. or the lie just festers. and imagine all the lies that will be required just cover the first one. perhaps it wasn't that bad of a thing- but because it was kept under wraps, it will be considered a worse situation that it really is.

the reason i broach on this subject is because recently i've been lied to by a loved one. it was dramatic at first and we did accept a truce, and honesty was reached between us. so i chose to trust my loved one. he made promises and i believed him. he said he will never lie to me again. i believe him. i trust it was an honest mistake and he felt terrible about it. but because there will be more new situations following the actions he's made, we decided to face it together if more bad news was to come. we promised each other we were a team and we will face it together, regardless.

it did. and guess what? he chose to lie about it. tried to cover it up. instead of trying to deal with it together, he just tried to cover it up. totally broke my heart again. i'm mostly devastated because he broke his 'promise' that we will deal with it 'together' and took it into his own hands again. it hurts so much.

and because it was near impossible for him to cover-up the truth and facts, he finally admitted it. but not after he already made up a bunch of little lies. and at the very end of course he say's he is sorry. and that he will never lie to me again.

i want to cry so much but i can't because when i am sad, i scare supergirl and she cries with me.

so he promises he will never lie again. so? how much can i believe his words now. if it happens again, will he really let us face it together or will he lie again? i'm so scared now. scared because after the very first time, i chose to trust and believe him, but he's hurt me again. he says he lied to me, because he rather i never knew and be sad about it. but the fact was he promised it's something we will face together. he promised. so where is the honesty?

i have no one to turn to. and it hurts so much. don't cry don't cry don't cry don't cry dont' cry don't cry don't cry don't cry don't cry.

he needs to understand it's not about the original mistake he made anymore. it's the fact he broke his promise to me, and that he lied to me. that hurts the most.

rite aid holiday gift of savings is such a ...

... great incentive to shop. i'm having so much fun!

did not receive DECEMBER issue of ALL YOU

magazine! i was just waiting and waiting and it NEVER arrived. figure it might be late due to holiday mail. anyway, i received my JAN issue today!!! so of course i had to call customer service. did they even have to ask if i wanted a DEC issue or just extend my subcription! i want my DEC issue. =/ who knows when i will receive it and if all the coupons will have expired! grrr~

i still do not have a facebook account...

but hey, i am blogging here.

and i just signed on to twitter! just learning the ropes. but within my first week, i won a tweet sweep!! =) happy.

love this bag!

i just received this bag as a present and i love it! it's a good size and can be used as a diaper bag. the interior is awsome too, with lots of pockets! not to mention well made. i've been wanting a microfiber bag. much easier to clean and maintain. thanks ms. a for bestowing me with this lovely present!

i've noticed this brand before at a glance at macy's, but never paid much attention to it. it wasn't until i got this bag, did i do some research on it. it's apparently very popular everywhere and has quite a following of collectors. well, i'm just happy to have the bag! btw, it's tokidoki.

anyhow, she gave me the concerto punk print in carezza design, which is perfect .. for ME!! punk rocks.

i feel extremely lucky to be blessed...

with a child such as supergirl. everytime i open my mouth to speak of her normally it's like i'm bragging. but i don't know how to be any other way, or i'd be lying! luckily for me, and this is why i truly feel blessed, everyone's comment to her, about her, to each other, sounds like they are bragging too or in awe of her. whether it's from relatives, a stranger, friends, colleagues-- anyone that's met her, they cannot help but 'coo' about her. and it's not just because she's a baby or all baby or toddler's are cute. i'm constantly being told how great she is compared to other babies. in looks, charm, personality, smarts, etc etc. that's not saying she's better than other babies. i believe that there are other parents who have babies like her and they feel the way i do, superman does, and everyone supergirl has met before. but that's what i mean by blessed. i'm blessed with all these nice positive reations to surpergirl constantly. i know to be humble, but it's okay to let it spill all over here on my blog. she's amazing. love her so much.

comes with age, experience, family of my own?

read my profile to left. it's usually just myself, superman, and supergirl. and we are fine. superman and his family have issues. my family have issues. i'm leaving this 'broad.' although we wish for more 'relatives' to be in our lives, they are not around or close enough to be. but we've always thought-- well even if they lived close enough, maybe we'd still prefer to be just us 3, maybe? it's nice to enjoy the warmth of too many relatives around, but only for a 'limited' length of time, right?

but our 2 weeks abroad, up and down, north to south, we visited many many relatives, most who haven't even met supergirl until now. WE HAD A GOOD TIME. and now i miss them all alot. i've never felt this way before. it was nice i suppose for a change to have 'nosy' people popping in when you wish they wouldn't. or a day that is so packed with activities, you don't have time to 'think' and wish people would leave you alone instead. and you end up having fun. having lots of dinners out. lots of activities.

towards the last 2 days our us imposing upon certain relatives, we can feel the hospitality wavering a bit and everyone was getting bored, less activities ensued, and things just slowed down. we are not so exciting or fresh to them anymore. and then we left and returned home!!

i thought 2 weeks, with 1 1/2 days spent in an airplane up in the air-- would be 'too' short of a visit. especially such a rare occasion to travel abroad and visit!!! BUT IT WAS PERFECT. just long enough to feel welcomed and loved, and short enough not to wear out our welcome, and maybe to be missed.

just didn't realize i'll be (here's hoping they are missing us too) missing them. i do. supergirl had such a fabulous time with her cousins, aunties, uncles, gramps, etc etc. it was def a most memorable trip. unforgettable.

cold...

supergirl and i both have a cold. right upon our return from our vacation! the only bright side is that we're sick at home, vs while we were abroad! my symptoms are all one day behind supergirl's- so it's safe to assume she got it first! (most likely from her auntie!!) my sister picked us up from the airport, the next day she calls to tell me she has a fever! surely enough 3 days later, supergirl started having a running nose and fever. by friday i had a fever. it's been 6 days, and we both seem to be feeling better. but her auntie insists it 'could not' have been her that got us sick. well ok. maybe a slim chance it wasn't. superman is fine though. and auntie was 'all over' supergirl- like showering her with kisses the night before she got a fever. go figure!

the strangest thing is, i'm also nearing my period, so between feeling absolutely awful with a cold, jetlag, and my pending period- my APPETITE IS GI-NORMOUS. i eat so much, non-stop and i binge; even with a sore throat!!! i look like i'm at least 3 months pregnant right now. it's due to my overeating, and some bloating. i eat till i'm so stuffed and my stomach feels like it's gonna to be overstretched, but i can't stop!! goodness!!!

yay~ received my first ALL YOU Magazine today

finally is all i can say! flipped thru it quickly and saw tons of great coupons. =)
can't wait till i get some quiet alone time(supergirl's naptime) to read it.

what is going on?! watering down...... of toilet paper?

i've never ever look at the total length of tissue rolls before, it's just too complex and too much numbers usually!

what happened was---
i was about to buy the 16 big rolls = 32 regular rolls from CVS for $10, since it was on sale. just as i was planning to head to CVS, I see a Kmart ad for the exact same item size for $8.99. what the heck, i went to Kmart.

then i saw target's new ad for this week target has the 18 big rolls = 36 regular rolls for $8.99. i was there and just picked it up, figure it's cheap and might as well stock up.

i'm not sure if most of you know this, but the Charmin ULTRASTRONG has two versions. one is the big diamond print and one is small diamond print within squigly lines. in the past, i only buy the smaller more expensive packs and it's always the big diamond print. it's thick and strong. once a while back, i bought a huge 'special' pack at a discount and it was the latter. feels completely different and it's thinner.

the pack from kmart and target is the smaller diamond print (not the one i like.) but superman says 'whatever'- it'll do since its such a good deal... (i have my pet peeves)

im already disappointed in that it's the small print thinner version, but as i was stowing the packs away, for some reason 'this time' i took the time to look at the bottom #s info. perhaps i was contemplateing returning them just because of the print!! =/ the 16 big roll pack fr kmart has 4 more sq ft than the 18 big roll pack from target. i thought i'd mistaken. i double checked. ok, the 16 roll each has 200 two play sheets per roll. the 18 roll each has 176 2 ply sheets per roll! it just doesn't add up and how can both be called a 'regular roll'? is there a range for a regular roll? so sometimes the big prints on the packages are very misleading! =/

go figure!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

first the bad prints and thinner quality for the BIGGER packs of Charmin UltraStrong - but now this?!!!

Charmin UltraStrong has been my fave for the longest time... tsk tsk tsk.