finally a silver lining amidst all the clouds these days.
i've been having little financial set backs here and there... nothing major, but all pesky and small and bothersome. things that's constantly revovling inside my head and making a down mommy.
but i just found out today i won a baby bjorn organic carrier!! i am so delighted and surprised!!
i've whined about never winning anything... and since last year, i've won 3 items from lovely mommy blogs. nothing major, but better than nothing!
have a great weekend!
Saturday, April 10, 2010
Thursday, April 8, 2010
it's been a while...
i haven't blogged here since end of feb. it's been a while. i was just reading back on the last 3 blogs. i definitely haven't been very happy back then! lol- but things are better now and i'm mostly happy!
my skin is 'healing' - still breakouts here and there, but i've learned not 'pick' as much and that's helped a bundle!
i am gaining weight though. all those up and down in weight gain is not doing me well. it's of course i know my own fault. i love to stay up late and eat junk food! :) although i'm so happy when i'm eating.....
i still don't like to sleep very much and i'm up at almost 2 am, blogging right now, when i should be sleeping, since supergirl is sleeping!
things have been better with superman. :) there's definitely been some good times in the last few months.
and supergirl-- no word can describe it........ she's absolutely amazing. my pride and joy. :)
happy karma all around. :)
my skin is 'healing' - still breakouts here and there, but i've learned not 'pick' as much and that's helped a bundle!
i am gaining weight though. all those up and down in weight gain is not doing me well. it's of course i know my own fault. i love to stay up late and eat junk food! :) although i'm so happy when i'm eating.....
i still don't like to sleep very much and i'm up at almost 2 am, blogging right now, when i should be sleeping, since supergirl is sleeping!
things have been better with superman. :) there's definitely been some good times in the last few months.
and supergirl-- no word can describe it........ she's absolutely amazing. my pride and joy. :)
happy karma all around. :)
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
age aging
i've never felt like i was getting older. yes the number did get higher every year, but i felt it was just a number. physically i felt the same, and i looked the same!! no wrinkles!
no so anymore. supergirl is 2 years old now. the first year after i had her, i felt the same- i was breastfeeding, my weight was down, my hair long and shiny, and my skin very smooth and supple. but now a year later... particularly started last december, and my birthday was in january-- and yes, sometimes i wonder if it's just all in my head. it's not. physically i feel a bit weaker as in, i have more limits now. my skin, oh my dear-- as someone whose always had skin that others envied and always comment on or ask what i've been using; it's bad. i'm breaking out like never before. i've heard about adult acne that strikes lots of adults after 30, but i just never thought it can happen to me. it must be. and my skin feels and looks like it's lost some elasticity. i started noticing this in nov last year. and it's gotten bad up to now, about end of feb.
at first i thought it's prob the holiday diet, lack of exercise, blah blah blah. i honestly must say i believe my lifestyle definitely attributed to it. i don't like to sleep (i don't sleep well), i'm bad at drinking water (rarely) and i love sweets (almost a diet based on sweets!)!!
i don't drink alcohol and i have quit smoking for many years already. but even so, i've been warned all that chocolate will catch up with me and lack of sleep too! it did!!!!!
i am so angry at myself. i know i am rambling. but let this be a permanently etched into my life/time line. that it was now, i feel that aging has started for me, on the surface and on the inside. my lifestyle, having a baby, whatever!! but it's definitely 'finally' happening to me. and i must note that after i stopped breastfeeding- i also felt some changes in my body...... and during the 2 months after i've stopped nursing, i gained a lot of weight and broke out really bad, but then all went away and was well until last november.
no so anymore. supergirl is 2 years old now. the first year after i had her, i felt the same- i was breastfeeding, my weight was down, my hair long and shiny, and my skin very smooth and supple. but now a year later... particularly started last december, and my birthday was in january-- and yes, sometimes i wonder if it's just all in my head. it's not. physically i feel a bit weaker as in, i have more limits now. my skin, oh my dear-- as someone whose always had skin that others envied and always comment on or ask what i've been using; it's bad. i'm breaking out like never before. i've heard about adult acne that strikes lots of adults after 30, but i just never thought it can happen to me. it must be. and my skin feels and looks like it's lost some elasticity. i started noticing this in nov last year. and it's gotten bad up to now, about end of feb.
at first i thought it's prob the holiday diet, lack of exercise, blah blah blah. i honestly must say i believe my lifestyle definitely attributed to it. i don't like to sleep (i don't sleep well), i'm bad at drinking water (rarely) and i love sweets (almost a diet based on sweets!)!!
i don't drink alcohol and i have quit smoking for many years already. but even so, i've been warned all that chocolate will catch up with me and lack of sleep too! it did!!!!!
i am so angry at myself. i know i am rambling. but let this be a permanently etched into my life/time line. that it was now, i feel that aging has started for me, on the surface and on the inside. my lifestyle, having a baby, whatever!! but it's definitely 'finally' happening to me. and i must note that after i stopped breastfeeding- i also felt some changes in my body...... and during the 2 months after i've stopped nursing, i gained a lot of weight and broke out really bad, but then all went away and was well until last november.
Sunday, January 24, 2010
shitty shitty day
what, i can't say shit now? huh.
it's just been a terrible week leading up to a grand awful finale. nothing to do with the weather, as i loved all the heavy rain here in california.
just....... very testy with superman. i'm not sure if he is super after all. he's caring, yet not caring. man of the house, yet... wimpy at times. i'm very bothered by him, just little things.
is it because... well darn we don't know! we try to get along better, but we argue over the tiniest little things. he says i need to let it go..... but he doesn't. cuz if he did, we PROB WON'T ARGUE FOR HOUR(s). cuz well, it's a plain fact it takes TWO to argue. so it's definitely not just me. it's the two of us.
i've been awfully stressed due to some problem with my fave credit card!! (i hate them people now!!) what happened to caring about your customers?! now we're all potential frauders or something. and bills. and lot of other household stuff..... it's just a lot of weight on the shoulders.
and poor lil supergirl. she's just baffled and running back and forth to us. i'm heartbroken for her.
it's just been a terrible week leading up to a grand awful finale. nothing to do with the weather, as i loved all the heavy rain here in california.
just....... very testy with superman. i'm not sure if he is super after all. he's caring, yet not caring. man of the house, yet... wimpy at times. i'm very bothered by him, just little things.
is it because... well darn we don't know! we try to get along better, but we argue over the tiniest little things. he says i need to let it go..... but he doesn't. cuz if he did, we PROB WON'T ARGUE FOR HOUR(s). cuz well, it's a plain fact it takes TWO to argue. so it's definitely not just me. it's the two of us.
i've been awfully stressed due to some problem with my fave credit card!! (i hate them people now!!) what happened to caring about your customers?! now we're all potential frauders or something. and bills. and lot of other household stuff..... it's just a lot of weight on the shoulders.
and poor lil supergirl. she's just baffled and running back and forth to us. i'm heartbroken for her.
Friday, January 22, 2010
aging gracefully?
don't we all wish!
i've never felt myself 'age' until after i had my darling supergirl. everything was fine, up until after i stopped breastfeeding. i breastfed her for 15 months and 3 weeks. during the time i was nursing her, my skin was glowy, plump, and i look great! afterwards- after i weaned her, it's an entirely different story. i'm wondering if this is what all mommy's go thru!! a few months after weaning, my skin feels dryer and i'm breaking out often. ok, i accept it's the hormones balancing itself out or wrecking havoc on me! 6 months in... i look in the mirror and i do not like what i see. i have darker circles and my skin does not have that 'glow' to it anymore, and i can feel it slackening. i ask superman- but he says i look the same. (but he is just so darn sweet!) i even ask my mother- and she thinks i'm seeing things. huh?
well, it's about 2 months shy to a year since i've of weaned supergirl. (by the way, supergirl's doing super- couldn't be better! such a ray of sunshine and a throughly happy girl. she just turned 2. ^^) and i feel the skin slacking!! i push my finger into my cheeks and it's definitely lacking that bounce. moisturiziers don't help and i've tried too many different kinds too (prob not good either), i'm oily and then i'm dry-- it's all over the place!! and well.. I am 32. which article was it that i read the other day.. about cell turnover rates? it's slow down by a gazillion times by the time we're in our 30's!!! and aging is inevitable. i'm really feeling it. grrr.. i'm still me. but i'm getting older. i just have to make peace with it. but it's hard!!! it's hard on us women, ain't it?!
i've never felt myself 'age' until after i had my darling supergirl. everything was fine, up until after i stopped breastfeeding. i breastfed her for 15 months and 3 weeks. during the time i was nursing her, my skin was glowy, plump, and i look great! afterwards- after i weaned her, it's an entirely different story. i'm wondering if this is what all mommy's go thru!! a few months after weaning, my skin feels dryer and i'm breaking out often. ok, i accept it's the hormones balancing itself out or wrecking havoc on me! 6 months in... i look in the mirror and i do not like what i see. i have darker circles and my skin does not have that 'glow' to it anymore, and i can feel it slackening. i ask superman- but he says i look the same. (but he is just so darn sweet!) i even ask my mother- and she thinks i'm seeing things. huh?
well, it's about 2 months shy to a year since i've of weaned supergirl. (by the way, supergirl's doing super- couldn't be better! such a ray of sunshine and a throughly happy girl. she just turned 2. ^^) and i feel the skin slacking!! i push my finger into my cheeks and it's definitely lacking that bounce. moisturiziers don't help and i've tried too many different kinds too (prob not good either), i'm oily and then i'm dry-- it's all over the place!! and well.. I am 32. which article was it that i read the other day.. about cell turnover rates? it's slow down by a gazillion times by the time we're in our 30's!!! and aging is inevitable. i'm really feeling it. grrr.. i'm still me. but i'm getting older. i just have to make peace with it. but it's hard!!! it's hard on us women, ain't it?!
Sunday, December 27, 2009
Saturday, December 26, 2009
is honesty overrated and lies underrated?
i always believed that being honest is very very important, if not the MOST important aspect of a relationship. whether it's with a spouse, friend, family members, colleagues, etc.
i also understand how hard it is to realize you have made a mistake. and how hard it is to admit to it. and no one likes to admit it, saving face is such an important thing for most individuals anyway. still--- have you notice with lies, it almost ALWAYS eventually come out.
think, how much work and effort has to be used by someone that is trying to hide the lie or truth and cover up all the tracks. isn't it easier to just tell the truth. yes, whoever you lied to will be hurt no matter what (if you lied and depending on how serious it is); but because you were honest, there is a more likelihood for forgiveness and acceptance. if it's carried on and on, and discovered later, the person is still 'hurt' if not immensely more; at this later time... can it be as easily forgiven than if you had been honest and upfront about it at the beginning?????
perhaps the person is lying to keep a famiy together. in that case, could it be condoned? perhaps-- but when all comes to light, the people involved or that you've lied to will still be hurt. can the liar deal with all the hurt and sadness when it eventually happens? as a strong beleiver that the truth always prevails, seems like it's just a horrible thing for everyone involved. forgiveness is preached, but not always attainable, even by the sweetest of people. it's the hurt. and the fact that you were lied to.
for example if i was lied to by a friend because she/he did not want me to be mad at him or they are afraid what they did may have ruined our friendship. 1> if it's 'that serious' of an issue, just tell me the truth! 2> sure you can lie to my face now but say a year later i found out the truth; i will be more hurt and damaged by the prolonged lie, than if i was told earlier.
so the outcome of knowing earlier and knowing later will not change the 'lying' fact and the fact that i will be hurt. so which is better? now or later? i personally prefer now. or the lie just festers. and imagine all the lies that will be required just cover the first one. perhaps it wasn't that bad of a thing- but because it was kept under wraps, it will be considered a worse situation that it really is.
the reason i broach on this subject is because recently i've been lied to by a loved one. it was dramatic at first and we did accept a truce, and honesty was reached between us. so i chose to trust my loved one. he made promises and i believed him. he said he will never lie to me again. i believe him. i trust it was an honest mistake and he felt terrible about it. but because there will be more new situations following the actions he's made, we decided to face it together if more bad news was to come. we promised each other we were a team and we will face it together, regardless.
it did. and guess what? he chose to lie about it. tried to cover it up. instead of trying to deal with it together, he just tried to cover it up. totally broke my heart again. i'm mostly devastated because he broke his 'promise' that we will deal with it 'together' and took it into his own hands again. it hurts so much.
and because it was near impossible for him to cover-up the truth and facts, he finally admitted it. but not after he already made up a bunch of little lies. and at the very end of course he say's he is sorry. and that he will never lie to me again.
i want to cry so much but i can't because when i am sad, i scare supergirl and she cries with me.
so he promises he will never lie again. so? how much can i believe his words now. if it happens again, will he really let us face it together or will he lie again? i'm so scared now. scared because after the very first time, i chose to trust and believe him, but he's hurt me again. he says he lied to me, because he rather i never knew and be sad about it. but the fact was he promised it's something we will face together. he promised. so where is the honesty?
i have no one to turn to. and it hurts so much. don't cry don't cry don't cry don't cry dont' cry don't cry don't cry don't cry don't cry.
he needs to understand it's not about the original mistake he made anymore. it's the fact he broke his promise to me, and that he lied to me. that hurts the most.
i also understand how hard it is to realize you have made a mistake. and how hard it is to admit to it. and no one likes to admit it, saving face is such an important thing for most individuals anyway. still--- have you notice with lies, it almost ALWAYS eventually come out.
think, how much work and effort has to be used by someone that is trying to hide the lie or truth and cover up all the tracks. isn't it easier to just tell the truth. yes, whoever you lied to will be hurt no matter what (if you lied and depending on how serious it is); but because you were honest, there is a more likelihood for forgiveness and acceptance. if it's carried on and on, and discovered later, the person is still 'hurt' if not immensely more; at this later time... can it be as easily forgiven than if you had been honest and upfront about it at the beginning?????
perhaps the person is lying to keep a famiy together. in that case, could it be condoned? perhaps-- but when all comes to light, the people involved or that you've lied to will still be hurt. can the liar deal with all the hurt and sadness when it eventually happens? as a strong beleiver that the truth always prevails, seems like it's just a horrible thing for everyone involved. forgiveness is preached, but not always attainable, even by the sweetest of people. it's the hurt. and the fact that you were lied to.
for example if i was lied to by a friend because she/he did not want me to be mad at him or they are afraid what they did may have ruined our friendship. 1> if it's 'that serious' of an issue, just tell me the truth! 2> sure you can lie to my face now but say a year later i found out the truth; i will be more hurt and damaged by the prolonged lie, than if i was told earlier.
so the outcome of knowing earlier and knowing later will not change the 'lying' fact and the fact that i will be hurt. so which is better? now or later? i personally prefer now. or the lie just festers. and imagine all the lies that will be required just cover the first one. perhaps it wasn't that bad of a thing- but because it was kept under wraps, it will be considered a worse situation that it really is.
the reason i broach on this subject is because recently i've been lied to by a loved one. it was dramatic at first and we did accept a truce, and honesty was reached between us. so i chose to trust my loved one. he made promises and i believed him. he said he will never lie to me again. i believe him. i trust it was an honest mistake and he felt terrible about it. but because there will be more new situations following the actions he's made, we decided to face it together if more bad news was to come. we promised each other we were a team and we will face it together, regardless.
it did. and guess what? he chose to lie about it. tried to cover it up. instead of trying to deal with it together, he just tried to cover it up. totally broke my heart again. i'm mostly devastated because he broke his 'promise' that we will deal with it 'together' and took it into his own hands again. it hurts so much.
and because it was near impossible for him to cover-up the truth and facts, he finally admitted it. but not after he already made up a bunch of little lies. and at the very end of course he say's he is sorry. and that he will never lie to me again.
i want to cry so much but i can't because when i am sad, i scare supergirl and she cries with me.
so he promises he will never lie again. so? how much can i believe his words now. if it happens again, will he really let us face it together or will he lie again? i'm so scared now. scared because after the very first time, i chose to trust and believe him, but he's hurt me again. he says he lied to me, because he rather i never knew and be sad about it. but the fact was he promised it's something we will face together. he promised. so where is the honesty?
i have no one to turn to. and it hurts so much. don't cry don't cry don't cry don't cry dont' cry don't cry don't cry don't cry don't cry.
he needs to understand it's not about the original mistake he made anymore. it's the fact he broke his promise to me, and that he lied to me. that hurts the most.
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