vent vs rant

where did i read? oh.. right on twitter.
it's ok to want to vent once in a while.
but when you go on a crazy rant??..... well it's not so nice.

i think i ranted today. :(

it's been a bad bad difficult day.

and i even had a good 30 mins workout. usually that relieves my steam.

it's true what people say, the people you love the most, also pisses you off the most.

sympathey steals your ability to think. emphathy will cripple you. detachment and logic, those are your salvation at a fresh murder.

c.3, p.27 lkhamilton's a stroke of midnight

my father had taught me to be nice first, because you can always be mean later, but once you've been mean to someone, they won't believe the nice anymore. so be nic, be nice, until it's time to stop being nice, then destroy them.

p62

i have much to update...

but when i don't update when i'm thinking about updating, i forget. it's a vicious cycle.

but as of this moment--- i've been behind on reading all my fave mommy & money saving blogs. how does one survive wading thru thousands of posts and not go crazy. let's just say i am crazy.

supergirl is doing real way, i'm still taking care of her full time and she's a smarty pants!! she's already saying complete sentences, over 15 words at once and perfect grammer! she's surprising me with new converstations every single day. and she's not even 3 yet!!!!!!

recently we were in two car accidents. with both of our cars. :( it's been tough. but i thank god that no parties involved were seriously hurt. at lease we still have our lives to live. :) but the lawsuits... can get ugly, and will def hurt more! :(

hope to catch up real soon here!

taking control

i'm feeling btr. more positive outlook and happier on most days. :)

i've starting working out, and i am pretty sure that's one of the major reasons i am feeling better..... healthier..... and thinner.

i found a great group of moms on twitter using #mamavation and every word of encouragin tweet i receive helps me a lot.

i finally went in for a physical exam. it's been over 2 years. i haven't gone for one since having supergirl. i just got a called back from my doctor, my blood test, cholesterol, blood sugar-- all good. but my white blood count is super high in urine. most likely it's a UTI. i've never had one before, or never had one that was known to myself or my doctor before. i've been having some bad cramps, but since i have my period the past week, i thought it was due to my period... now i am not so sure. so i'm kinda worried. i've made an appt to see my dr. tomorrow for an antibiotic treatment and a follow up urine test.

i've always felt like i'm immune to many things. but as i age, i know that i am not. my skin has gotten better because i've made an effort to drink more water, stop picking at my zits, and i purchased a moisturizer with salycilic acid and retinol.

i can't 'think' i'm immuned to illnesses and aging anymore, because i am not!!!

so i need to take control of my life. my sleep schedule is still very bad- thus so is supergirl's. that's my next obstacle to overcome.

wish me luck!

silver lining...

finally a silver lining amidst all the clouds these days.

i've been having little financial set backs here and there... nothing major, but all pesky and small and bothersome. things that's constantly revovling inside my head and making a down mommy.

but i just found out today i won a baby bjorn organic carrier!! i am so delighted and surprised!!

i've whined about never winning anything... and since last year, i've won 3 items from lovely mommy blogs. nothing major, but better than nothing!

have a great weekend!

it's been a while...

i haven't blogged here since end of feb. it's been a while. i was just reading back on the last 3 blogs. i definitely haven't been very happy back then! lol- but things are better now and i'm mostly happy!

my skin is 'healing' - still breakouts here and there, but i've learned not 'pick' as much and that's helped a bundle!

i am gaining weight though. all those up and down in weight gain is not doing me well. it's of course i know my own fault. i love to stay up late and eat junk food! :) although i'm so happy when i'm eating.....

i still don't like to sleep very much and i'm up at almost 2 am, blogging right now, when i should be sleeping, since supergirl is sleeping!

things have been better with superman. :) there's definitely been some good times in the last few months.

and supergirl-- no word can describe it........ she's absolutely amazing. my pride and joy. :)

happy karma all around. :)

age aging

i've never felt like i was getting older. yes the number did get higher every year, but i felt it was just a number. physically i felt the same, and i looked the same!! no wrinkles!

no so anymore. supergirl is 2 years old now. the first year after i had her, i felt the same- i was breastfeeding, my weight was down, my hair long and shiny, and my skin very smooth and supple. but now a year later... particularly started last december, and my birthday was in january-- and yes, sometimes i wonder if it's just all in my head. it's not. physically i feel a bit weaker as in, i have more limits now. my skin, oh my dear-- as someone whose always had skin that others envied and always comment on or ask what i've been using; it's bad. i'm breaking out like never before. i've heard about adult acne that strikes lots of adults after 30, but i just never thought it can happen to me. it must be. and my skin feels and looks like it's lost some elasticity. i started noticing this in nov last year. and it's gotten bad up to now, about end of feb.

at first i thought it's prob the holiday diet, lack of exercise, blah blah blah. i honestly must say i believe my lifestyle definitely attributed to it. i don't like to sleep (i don't sleep well), i'm bad at drinking water (rarely) and i love sweets (almost a diet based on sweets!)!!

i don't drink alcohol and i have quit smoking for many years already. but even so, i've been warned all that chocolate will catch up with me and lack of sleep too! it did!!!!!

i am so angry at myself. i know i am rambling. but let this be a permanently etched into my life/time line. that it was now, i feel that aging has started for me, on the surface and on the inside. my lifestyle, having a baby, whatever!! but it's definitely 'finally' happening to me. and i must note that after i stopped breastfeeding- i also felt some changes in my body...... and during the 2 months after i've stopped nursing, i gained a lot of weight and broke out really bad, but then all went away and was well until last november.

shitty shitty day

what, i can't say shit now? huh.

it's just been a terrible week leading up to a grand awful finale. nothing to do with the weather, as i loved all the heavy rain here in california.

just....... very testy with superman. i'm not sure if he is super after all. he's caring, yet not caring. man of the house, yet... wimpy at times. i'm very bothered by him, just little things.

is it because... well darn we don't know! we try to get along better, but we argue over the tiniest little things. he says i need to let it go..... but he doesn't. cuz if he did, we PROB WON'T ARGUE FOR HOUR(s). cuz well, it's a plain fact it takes TWO to argue. so it's definitely not just me. it's the two of us.

i've been awfully stressed due to some problem with my fave credit card!! (i hate them people now!!) what happened to caring about your customers?! now we're all potential frauders or something. and bills. and lot of other household stuff..... it's just a lot of weight on the shoulders.

and poor lil supergirl. she's just baffled and running back and forth to us. i'm heartbroken for her.

aging gracefully?

don't we all wish!

i've never felt myself 'age' until after i had my darling supergirl. everything was fine, up until after i stopped breastfeeding. i breastfed her for 15 months and 3 weeks. during the time i was nursing her, my skin was glowy, plump, and i look great! afterwards- after i weaned her, it's an entirely different story. i'm wondering if this is what all mommy's go thru!! a few months after weaning, my skin feels dryer and i'm breaking out often. ok, i accept it's the hormones balancing itself out or wrecking havoc on me! 6 months in... i look in the mirror and i do not like what i see. i have darker circles and my skin does not have that 'glow' to it anymore, and i can feel it slackening. i ask superman- but he says i look the same. (but he is just so darn sweet!) i even ask my mother- and she thinks i'm seeing things. huh?

well, it's about 2 months shy to a year since i've of weaned supergirl. (by the way, supergirl's doing super- couldn't be better! such a ray of sunshine and a throughly happy girl. she just turned 2. ^^) and i feel the skin slacking!! i push my finger into my cheeks and it's definitely lacking that bounce. moisturiziers don't help and i've tried too many different kinds too (prob not good either), i'm oily and then i'm dry-- it's all over the place!! and well.. I am 32. which article was it that i read the other day.. about cell turnover rates? it's slow down by a gazillion times by the time we're in our 30's!!! and aging is inevitable. i'm really feeling it. grrr.. i'm still me. but i'm getting older. i just have to make peace with it. but it's hard!!! it's hard on us women, ain't it?!