age aging

i've never felt like i was getting older. yes the number did get higher every year, but i felt it was just a number. physically i felt the same, and i looked the same!! no wrinkles!

no so anymore. supergirl is 2 years old now. the first year after i had her, i felt the same- i was breastfeeding, my weight was down, my hair long and shiny, and my skin very smooth and supple. but now a year later... particularly started last december, and my birthday was in january-- and yes, sometimes i wonder if it's just all in my head. it's not. physically i feel a bit weaker as in, i have more limits now. my skin, oh my dear-- as someone whose always had skin that others envied and always comment on or ask what i've been using; it's bad. i'm breaking out like never before. i've heard about adult acne that strikes lots of adults after 30, but i just never thought it can happen to me. it must be. and my skin feels and looks like it's lost some elasticity. i started noticing this in nov last year. and it's gotten bad up to now, about end of feb.

at first i thought it's prob the holiday diet, lack of exercise, blah blah blah. i honestly must say i believe my lifestyle definitely attributed to it. i don't like to sleep (i don't sleep well), i'm bad at drinking water (rarely) and i love sweets (almost a diet based on sweets!)!!

i don't drink alcohol and i have quit smoking for many years already. but even so, i've been warned all that chocolate will catch up with me and lack of sleep too! it did!!!!!

i am so angry at myself. i know i am rambling. but let this be a permanently etched into my life/time line. that it was now, i feel that aging has started for me, on the surface and on the inside. my lifestyle, having a baby, whatever!! but it's definitely 'finally' happening to me. and i must note that after i stopped breastfeeding- i also felt some changes in my body...... and during the 2 months after i've stopped nursing, i gained a lot of weight and broke out really bad, but then all went away and was well until last november.